‘Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age’

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following quotes and one liners he is best remembered by:

Never slap a man chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. There are two theories to arguing with a woman, neither works. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it up and put it in your pocket. Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. If you are riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it is still there. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral, when you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Don’t squat with your spurs on. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. When you’re throwin’ your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. About growing older…First…eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second…The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third…Some people try to turn back their odometers…NOT ME. I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Fourth…When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth…You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth…I don’t know how I got to the top of the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh…One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that is such a nice change from being young.

Eight…One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth…Being young is beautiful, but being old is uncomfortable.

Tenth…Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was call witchcraft. Today, it is called golf.

And finally…If you don’t mean to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Millie’s thought for today: My major point in this dialogue if fear the younger generation never fully experiencing one of the most important tenets in life by growing up in a culture scheduled behind computers, television screens, to never feel the warmth of the front porch as many of my generation knew it.

Mildred Higgins